Returning to Faith Like a Child
By Amber Alyssa Hayes
In Israel, the sound of the sirens is a normal way of life. Children learn from a young age to run to the nearest bomb shelter immediately -- only 15 seconds of time can mean the difference between life and death. In a typical year, this tiny “nation state” country comparable to the size of New Jersey endures multiple thousands of rocket launch attacks.
As a mom of 3 daughters myself, my heart was flooded with compassion for these little ones as I listened to what is “normal” for them: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, interrupted sleep and school routines, and often not being able to go outside and play.
My husband and I were hearing this at a Kingdom Connection gathering of Pastor Jentezen Franklin’s church called Free Chapel in Gainesville, GA. They were sharing the vision they had for building a safe place for families who live in Eshkol, a city located on the Gaza Strip who are enduring the most destruction from these devastating attacks. Pastor Franklin felt called to do something about the constant state of threat these children are growing up in. We learned that Free Chapel church would be partnering to build a “fortified” bomb shelter playschool, where kids would have a safe haven to play, receive schooling, meals, and other much needed nourishment. Through this mission, their childhood would no longer have to be living in constant survival mode – these kids would get to be kids.
Little did I know that in that moment when my heart was so moved for these children and this mission, God would also use it in a mission He had for me personally: to return me to “faith like a child.”
As I write this blog to tell my story with the help and encouragement of my dear friend Lisa (the creator of this GAMGstories platform), I can’t help but keep thinking, God, is this really REAL? Are you SURE you picked the right person for this really big deal?!
If you are a person who doubts whether God can use you to do anything special or extraordinary, I hope my story helps you see things differently.
When Childlike Faith Falters
I grew up in a family of career musicians, and though music was always a part of our family gatherings I was rather shy about stepping into it. A love of music and songwriting was naturally in my blood, but I rarely shared the songs I wrote with anyone. I loved to sing, but any thoughts I had of pursuing music never went beyond wishing. It wasn’t until later I would uncover how trauma has played a role in my own self-doubt and condemnation.
My childhood was not riddled with rockets or bombs falling from the sky, but I had other kinds of trauma I carried into adulthood. Trauma that I now realize led me to later make poor choices, not feel that my voice matters, and also not believe that I have anything significant to contribute to God’s kingdom or have life-changing impact for others in the world. Having faith like a child – simply trusting God to meet my needs - was not even on my radar. But as a young adult, God would begin a work in me to show me who I really am, and that my voice really does matter...and, to eventually “wake up” my childhood passion for music and songwriting I kept hidden from the world.
Growing Pains
When I found Free Chapel church in my early 20’s, I felt like I’d found where I belonged. I watched the services mostly on-line because I didn’t live in Georgia, but when I was able to attend in person I brought a lot of baggage from my childhood wounds into that church. Wherever I was, God met me there and spoke to me through the sermons of Pastor Jentezen Franklin. So many of the messages felt CUSTOM MADE just for me, shining a light into hidden places of my heart where there were blockages of purpose and passion.
I became a partner of the church’s Kingdom Connection Ministry because I felt so “poured into,” and I wanted to give back to this church that was teaching me so much and changing my life. My musical longings from childhood would sometimes surface, but I still had some growing pains to go through before they would be fully awakened. In the meantime, my life would take a turn into marriage and motherhood as I continued my faith journey, still “connected” to Kingdom Connection Ministry.
An Invitation to Childlike Faith
20 years after my faith journey began at Free Chapel church, God used an invitation from my friend Lisa to stir my heart toward music again. Lisa mentioned she would be going on a trip to Scotland with a women’s group of worship singers and writers, and she wondered if I’d be interested in coming along.
There had been times through the years when I’d “dipped my toe” into musical expression, but I now saw my identity as being a wife, mom, and unfortunately a woman with a myriad of health issues. I had been diagnosed with Graves Disease, suffered through Lyme Disease followed by 4 auto-immune disease diagnoses, and endured spine surgery to remove a tumor. My health battles had kept me feeling constantly defeated. So, it took me by surprise when I felt my spirit leap at the question Lisa was now asking me about Scotland.
Could I really do something like this? Could I actually be a part of this trip with these creative ladies, singing and writing songs in Scotland? Oh, how I would LOVE to! I made up my mind that no matter what, I MUST. And somehow, I ‘mustered’ the courage to go despite my medical issues.
Rainbows and Castles and Songs, Oh My!
There aren’t enough words to describe how many ways this trip and these Brave Worship girlfriends blessed me during those 10 incredible days in Scotland. God was showing off His presence in double rainbows, taking us down deep spiritual paths with our amazing tour guide/teacher Ray Hughes, and even with my health problems, this group of godly women helped me be courageous. In the words of Lisa’s song that inspired this GAMGstories platform, “There is no doubt, I’d be nothing without God and my girlfriends.”
I remember climbing to the top of Arthur’s Seat, a high volcanic hill in Edinburgh, and feeling a surge of VICTORY that I’d MADE IT! Even a labrum tear injury in my hip could not stop me from reaching that summit. It was one of many moments I felt childlike joy during this beautiful adventure we shared. Something inside of me was waking up in Scotland...even more so as we spent our last few days writing worship songs at a castle!
One day in the garden of Carberry Tower castle-estate, I found myself dancing and “singing my heartsong out” with the other ladies I’d been paired to co-write with. Looking back now, I wonder if God used that “Heartsong” we wrote that day to open the door of childlike faith a little bit wider, after the Arthur’s Seat pinnacle (and other mountaintop moments) I had experienced during our Scotland journey. Maybe He was preparing me for another “childlike faith” song He had in store – one that would reach all the way to Israel...
Waking up to a wake-up calling
The words came immediately into my mind as I woke up from an unusual dream.
I should start writing songs to “match the messages” of Pastor Jentezen’s sermons that have changed my life!
I know it was God’s idea, not mine. The only way He could get it through to me was while I was sleeping!
Not only had Pastor Jentezen’s sermons continued to “pour into” me through the years, but as a partner of Kingdom Connection Ministry my husband and I had been invited to attend some events to share in the church’s vision for how they were called to pour out to others. Through the “dream download idea” God had given me, I now had another invitation to childlike faith: Would I follow through on the idea He gave me and trust Him with it?
Once again, God used my friend Lisa to encourage me forward when I told her about the dream. She gave me more faith resources she knew about to help me walk it out. I proceeded to write 2 songs and record them, having no idea if I could ever be courageous enough to pass them on to the ministry. I pressed on through the task even when old self-doubts would arise: Why am I doing this? What if the songs aren’t any good? I’m not a professional songwriter...
A Plan For The Children of Israel
The year was now 2019. As my husband and I sat in attendance of the third Kingdom Connection Ministry event we’d been invited to, I now had a 2-song CD in my purse with songs I had written “just in case” I got the opportunity to pass them on.
Lord, if it is Your will then just give me the opportunity...then help me be courageous enough to mention it.
When you ask God to make a moment, His timing is always perfect. Having just learned about the mission for Israel, I’d felt that same “leap in my spirit” I had felt about the Scotland trip invitation. As we heard the church’s plans for how they planned to help the Eshkol children and families by building a fortified bomb shelter playschool, I just KNEW in that moment that I MUST be a part of helping these children!
I now stood in a line of people waiting to talk with Pastor Jentezen. Fear was overtaking my thoughts as I silently talked myself out of telling him about my “sermon songs” on the CD I held, while moving closer to the front of the line. When it was my turn to speak to Pastor, something else pushed the fear aside as I opened my mouth to speak: it was the compassion that had flooded into my heart for the kids of Israel.
“This mission you’ve shared for the playschool in Israel moves me so much,” I said, “I feel like it needs a song!” Unplanned. Unrehearsed. Unfiltered. Pastor’s response was so warm and receptive, encouraging me to keep talking, so the rest flowed out.
“I have listened to your sermons for years, and I had a dream that I should write some songs that match the messages.” He smiled and said, “That’s a great idea! You’re a songwriter?”
I stammered out some sort of reply, feeling unqualified to officially call myself that without any “song cuts” or “artist albums” I could claim as validation. He continued to encourage me to keep talking. As I did, he said, “Well go ahead and do it! Write a song and send it to me!” Then, he proceeded to tell me a phone number where I could send the song.
Did that really just happen?! Did he just encourage me to write a song for this mission and send it to him? He must think I am somebody that I’m not.....
A Song to Be Courageous
As I walked away with that new number added to my phone, I couldn’t believe what had just happened. And from that moment on, it has been one surreal event after another. A songwriting appointment with two Brave Worship friends, then a hastily done “work tape” sent by text that elicited a response of “Wow! Love the words. Love the song and will use it for the dedication and also for the promotion of the project!” Then, a request from the church’s music team asking ME to sing the studio recording of the song. (What? ME? But I’m not a professional singer! Are you sure you want ME to sing it??) Next, a studio date set up for recording the song, followed by another request that I come to Georgia to film the music video with the Free Chapel church worship team. (What? You want ME to be in the music video? You want the FC Praise Team that I’ve been watching lead worship for so many years to back ME up?)
On and on the surprises have unfolded, until the song is now finally ready for release this summer to bring awareness to the newly-built Eshkol Playschool now blessing children, their families and Holocaust survivors in Israel. Each step of the way as I have doubted, questioned, and waited for someone to realize they have picked the wrong person to carry this song-torch, their gracious interaction with me has imparted a message of “We believe in you!”
God has been gently nudging me forward step by step, whispering to my spirit, “I chose you, Amber. You are my child and I created you for this. Your songs matter, your voice matters, your life matters. Let YOUR light shine. Let YOUR song help My people Israel BE COURAGEOUS.”
Watch for the song BE COURAGEOUS coming soon, and learn how you can help support this life-giving cause for Israeli children!
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the Kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” - Matthew 19:14
About Amber Alyssa Hayes
Pictured: Pastor Jentezen Franklin, Cherise Franklin, Amber Alyssa Hayes
Amber Alyssa Hayes is a wife and mom of three who was raised in a musical family. Her father, songwriter James Williams, was a member of the folk-rock band PLAYBOYS OF EDINBURG, signed with Columbia, Capital and Universal Records who, along with brother Michael, later formed THE YOUNGER BROTHERS. The duo was signed to MCA Records, touring with acts including Roberta Flack, Don McLean, Neil Young, Dan Seals, Tammy Wynette, Ronnie Milsap, George Strait and others. With Amber’s older brother, Michael, also having musical credits as a member of June Carter-Cash’s band, she grew up with music “all in the family.” It wasn’t until her adult years that Amber allowed her own love of music and songwriting to be seen by others, prompted by a heart for creating songs for philanthropic purpose . Her soon-to-be released song “Be Courageous,” written with Krissy Nordhoff and Alisen Wells, brings awareness of the newly-built Eshkol Community Playschool in Israel. This fortified bomb shelter school and indoor playground/educational center serves the needs of residents and children of the Eshkol Region, who live under the constant threat of bombings in the region.
Amber’s reSOURCEs
Eshkol Playschool in Israel- short video introduction
Some of Amber’s favorite sermons of Pastor Jentezen Franklin:
God Uses Life’s Bruises
Enjoy the Journey
Some favorite books that have helped Amber grow in faith:
Acres of Diamonds - Pastor Jentezen Franklin
Born for Significance - Bill Johnson
Wild Goose Chase, Double Blessing, The Circle Maker - Mark Batterson
Battlefield of the Mind - Joyce Meyer
Faith Hunt- Gary Keesee
Girlfriends of faith in Community:
God And My Girlfriends Stories Instagram / Facebook – founded by Lisa Hentrich
Brave Worship and Writing Worship – founded by Krissy Nordhoff
Teaching Ministry of Ray Hughes (the Scotland tour guide mentioned in this guest blog story)