How to Rise Up in Community
By Lydia Walker Athey, Founder of RusticSongbird.com
We step up and we reach out
We'll see love is what it's all about
And life is better hand in hand
So come on, I know we can
We're in this together
Show some love for each other...
On the way up, on the way up, on the way up.
Lyric line of my new song “UP.”
We weren’t made to do life on our own. We were created with a longing for real relationships, to draw us closer to God and to others. It’s a comforting reminder that even though we may feel lonely at times, we’re never truly alone, because God is with us. He gives us this assurance in His Word:
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8
That being said, it can be hard in our busy lives and fast-paced world to find authentic human connection. In the sea of people around us, how can we truly be seen?
If you’re feeling down, lonely or lacking in relationship, I hope you’ll find something in this message that is a bridge of connection for you. These are principles and action steps I’ve applied in my own life that have helped me find and grow rich community!
Embrace the new. If you’ve ever watched young kids on a playground, you might have seen how they make friends easily. Another kid shows up, and off they go to play together. “Wanna play?” they ask. Then later when the parent asks what the new friend’s name is, they don’t know. “But we’re best friends now!”
Why does it seem so much harder to make friends as an adult? Could it really be as easy as finding common ground, and asking “do you wanna be friends?”
Maybe you had a group of friends while growing up, and saw each other often. But as time passed, some started families, or moved away, and you drifted apart in different seasons of life.
Are you starting a new chapter in life? Have you moved to a new location, a new job or a new life situation? Be willing to embrace the new with an expectation of GOOD new experiences and community. Remember the Scripture shared above; God goes before you - you’re not alone.
PRAY for healthy relationships. If you’re feeling lack of connection, or perhaps you already have relationship that you know is not good for you, God already knows it. The #1 friend who is FOR YOU in your life is just waiting for you to talk to Him. Share what you are going through and ask Him for what you need. There can be so much peace and clarity found in giving our worries and struggles over to God, choosing to trust that He’s in control. Here’s a simple prayer you can use and agree with:
“God, thank You that You promise to always be with me. You made me and know me better than anyone else. Help me to see the opportunities to connect with other people in a meaningful way. Show me how I can serve others and be an encouragement to them. Remove any relationships that are unhealthy for me, and send people into my life who will remind me of the truth, give me positive perspective and good advice. Let me be that kind of friend to those around me. I praise You for going before me and already providing for me because of Your grace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Look inside for what you’re looking for. Know who you are to know who and what you need in this season of your life. Ask yourself these questions:
What values are most important to me in a friendship?
What kind of input would be most helpful in this season of my life?
What types of people do I want to be around, who will make me a better person?
What interests do I have that I would like to share with someone else?
What do I have to offer that I can give to others to help them?
Taking some time to define these things can help “turn the radar on,” so you’ll be ready to recognize when God has sent someone your way who’s in sync with you (and more importantly, with His plans for your life). Also, look again at that last bullet point. Be ready to serve others!
Once you’ve gotten clear on what you’re looking for in community, here are some practical ways you can move forward when you’re ready to reach out.
Find a Mentor. Is there someone who has crossed your path that has encouraged you, cheered you on, and given good advice? Make the initiative to contact them and be intentional to regularly spend time around people who will be in your corner. If you don’t already have a person like this in your life, look for someone who has gone before and is further along with more experience who you could learn from. Then ask them if they would be willing to mentor you and share their wisdom. Having that person in your life to talk to will fill you up, and you will be able to pass that on to others.
One of my mentors, Krissy Nordhoff, shared that the Lord guided her to “be what you need.” It prompted Krissy to found what she had been longing to find: a mentoring and support community for worship songwriters called “Brave Worship.” Her example has inspired me to create opportunities for others and bring them along with me on the journey, as I’m learning and growing.
Be What You Need. If you’re not finding a group that is exactly what you are looking for, why not be the one to start it? If you are experiencing a need for that specific thing, others like you will be, too. Being the first to set it up and being the host gives others a chance to find you, and will be drawn to it like a magnet, attracting the ones who feel that need for connection. When you’re the one helping others, you will feel even more fulfillment and joy from being a part of creating a space like that for someone else.
Ask for help. Are you someone who overcommits yourself with responsibilities, but struggles to ask for help? I’m raising my hand along with you. It’s something I have to remind myself to get better at – in fact, I even wrote a blog about this very topic for this platform a few years ago! It’s called The Myth of Doing It All.
Right now I’m in ‘the messy middle’ of being mom to 3 little ones, juggling worship leader ministry, writing and recording music, and creating songwriter growth resources. It can feel like something’s always up in the air and at any time a ball will drop. But what I’ve found is when I reach out and ask for help, I wish I’d done it sooner. Don’t be afraid to ask...you might be surprised at who will say yes, and how it could lead to a new level of relationship.
Explore online community. You can join existing communities online with like-minded people and be a part of the conversation there. Searching for groups or forums in the categories you’re interested in will help you get started. From those conversations, you can reach out with questions about other resources and networks you can participate in. Being specific and looking for active groups will help you find “your tribe” online.
Seek out in-person community. Search your local area for events and groups that meet regularly with similar interests. Maybe it’s a concert series in your city, or the farmer’s market, or the library. Attending events and meeting people in your area will broaden your network and help you meet new people. Getting involved in a local church is a great way to serve others, and joining Bible studies or a small group will help form those stronger friendships as you learn together. Are you a mom of school-age children? Sign up to be a room mom or volunteer to help with classroom activities. Often times, it is the ones who are doing life around you that you have the most in common with!
Friends, we need each other. We were created for relationships, and human connection. God wired us that way, with the need to have others in our life who will lift us up and also be a shoulder to cry on. I want you to know that what you have to say and offer is unique and valuable, and others will benefit from you stepping out of your comfort zone!
The world tells us that in order to succeed, you must fight to be the one at the top, but that’s a lonely place to be. Life is much more fulfilling when you’re surrounded by others who care about you and want the best for you. John F. Kennedy said, “The rising tide lifts all the boats.” That means that when we are moving forward in a healthy way, we rise up together. I want to encourage you to look for those opportunities in your own life, and to bring someone with you... on the way UP!
About Lydia Walker
Lydia Walker is a singer-songwriter and worship leader from Middle Tennessee. She is the creator of the Rustic Songbird Podcast, a collection of 100 episodes that feature interviews with songwriters about their craft and process. Lydia is passionate about creating music and pursuing Godly motherhood. She has released a collection of songs for moms called "MADE FOR THIS,” as well as an album of original "LULLABIES.” She has recently released “UP”, an anthem to remind us that when we rise up, we rise up together!
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