Saved by Grace From the Brink of Suicide
By Dawn Dalton, Grace Light Productions
For it is by Grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. - Ephesians 2:8
grace
verb (used with object), graced, grac·ing.
-to lend or add grace to; adorn
-to favor or honor
It has been said that suicide statistics increase during the holidays. I don’t know if that is true or not, but I do know what it’s like to feel hopeless, worthless and so tortured that I didn’t want to live anymore. In my weakest moment as I stood at the brink of taking my own life with a gun to my temple, a stranger walked out of a wooded path and changed everything.
The stranger knew what it was like to feel the way I felt, so she wasn’t really a stranger. Like me, she had also lost a child. So I know it was no random coincidence this woman who shared my grief happened to be walking that particular path of the woods that day, right at that exact moment. God had ordered the steps of someone who had already walked in my shoes to show me a better way…the way of His love and His grace.
I grew up in a small town in Northwest Ohio, and my family has always struggled for as far back as I can remember. I honestly thought that was a normal life. My parents divorced when I was young, and my mother worked hard to care for my sisters and me. She was, and still is, a strong, proud and fiercely independent woman. No matter what life threw at her, she took it head on and always found a bright side to situations. Even during the recession of the 70’s (I’m showing my age here), I can remember having everything we needed. And no matter what happened, we were always at our small Methodist church every Sunday, involved in everything from Sunday school to youth groups.
Though I’m glad I had that foundation, things in my life were anything but easy. The hardest parts started with years of sexual abuse from a family member – a horrific act that changed the trajectory of my life. I struggled in school, barely graduating high school. I always felt like something was missing; that things happening in my life, layering one upon the other, couldn’t be part of God's great plan I’d heard the pastors preaching about. But each time I went to them, or to family, their well-meaning responses echoed the same empty messages: “We don’t talk about those things Dawn...” “The past is the past...” “...It’s just part of God’s plan.”
So out into life I went, now an adult struggling with the things of my past. Trying desperately to “put them behind me”. But let's be honest, I was really just stuffing things away. And just like any good stuffer, there’s only so much room before it overflows. I jumped around from relationship to relationship and job to job, never really feeling at peace.
Then one day, everything changed. I found out I was pregnant, and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I named her Ashley Nicole. I can still remember the moment I saw her beautiful face. I was a mom! The feeling of joy was like nothing I had ever felt.
Within a few months I went back to school and they helped me secure a good job. I felt I was finally on track for a great life with my precious baby girl. On the first day of my new job, I dropped my sweet Ashley off at the babysitter’s and off I went. I can remember dreaming of all the things I was going to do for us: we would get a new apartment, a nicer car, and my girl would have all the cute ruffle clothes!
Then it happened. Dreams destroyed before they ever began. At my new place of employment, out of the corner of my eye I saw a lady running out of the office toward me. Her eyes were filled with panic and fear as she ran. Then, hearing those awful words I will never forget….
“Dawn, something has happened to your daughter!” In a blur, I heard her say they were taking my baby to the hospital and we needed to leave NOW! The 30-minute drive to the hospital felt like an eternity. We didn’t have cell phones back then, so there was no communication until we arrived. As we pulled up, they were already there yelling for me to get inside. I can remember being in the waiting room with my family and pastor, the doctor approaching in what seemed like slow motion. With obvious concern on his face, he spoke the words no parent should ever have to hear: “I'm really sorry, there was nothing we could do. Your daughter...she is gone”. Stunned, I looked at my family and my pastor for an answer. Any answer to make sense of what I had just heard! Somewhere in the shock of it all, I heard the pastor trying to comfort me with same empty words I had heard before, “It just wasn’t meant to be, Dawn. It just wasn’t in God's plan.”
No one knows what to say in a moment like this, but I was filled with soul-ripping grief and anger. With all the layers of past hurts and disappointments colliding in this devastating tragedy, I decided I WAS DONE with God. It was just too much. I could stuff no more. I had no more room in my heart for a God that would allow this to happen!
Then, the torment began. Past hurts and toxic words started taking their toll. Grief, shame and disappointed faith mixed with my belief that I was worthless and life was hopeless. I soon found myself drinking and barely holding a job. When the alcohol didn’t silence the torment and pain, I turned to drugs. Descending into addiction, I found myself homeless and reached a point when I could take no more. It was time to end my life.
I found a quiet place near the river by the woods. Just as I lifted the gun to my head, I heard a rustle in the bushes. It was enough to startle me and hide the gun in my jacket. As I turned to look, I was taken aback to see a woman approaching, asking if I was ok. I have no words to this day to describe all that I felt in that moment that pulled me out of the darkness and despair.
From that day on, I had a new friend. We spent a lot of time talking about our pain and disappointment and she soon invited me to church. That night they had a dramatic play that would, again, be life changing for me: it was a story of redemption that changed my view about God's love and showed me the truth of spiritual warfare I needed to learn about. It wasn’t me that wanted to end my life, it was the devil who wanted me to do it.
My heart didn’t heal overnight, but as I continued learning from a Kingdom-teaching pastor that came into my life, participating in Freedom Bible study groups, and surrounding myself with amazing girlfriends I’ve been able to surrender my past hurts. My spiritual foundation became solid, and my life changed. I can now say I am restored, redeemed and best of all…FREE! I am married to a wonderful man and we have a beautiful family.
Within the last few years, I have started Grace Light Production Company sharing true life stories for ministry including my own story, titled By Grace. I have written, produced and co-directed the movie just released during the holiday season. Together with my husband, we recently also founded a non-profit organization, Amplify Media & Arts, to continue creating content with the truth of God’s word and working with artists to silence the enemy by exposing his lies!
If you are struggling today and feel like there is nowhere to turn, reach out! You aren’t alone! No matter what lies the enemy is trying to convince you of, COME OUT OF AGREEMENT WITH HIM and experience God’s saving grace. God truly LOVES you and wants the very best for you!
About Dawn Dalton
Dawn Dalton is the co-founder of Grace Light Productions. The company’s first film, “By Grace,” is Dawn’s own personal story of loss, addiction, abuse, and ultimately being saved by God’s grace from attempted suicide. Dawn and her husband, Rich, co-created the company along with Amplify Media & Arts, a non-profit sharing truth of God’s Word. Together they have a beautiful, blended family that includes one child waiting for them in heaven. Connect with Dawn and her organizations via the reSOURCEs below.
Dawn’s reSOURCEs
BY GRACE movie - use code GAMG20 for a 20% discount through 1/31/22 !!
Grace Light Productions website
Facebook @gracelightproductions
Instagram @grace.light.productions
Amplify Media & Arts: https://www.facebook.com/Amplify-Media-Arts-102928388492725/
Dawn’s video testimonial - Faith Life Church